Journal entry #1:
It’s 11 pm on a Tuesday night, about an hour of quiet, undistracted thinking time has gone by. I’m reflecting on my life.
A great deal of it can be described as feeling like I’ve been performing from places other than my heart, which has led to a great deal of disconnected experiences. To put it another way, the physical world I’ve created around me doesn’t exactly line up with what my internal existence wants to express.
Undistracted Thinking Led to Mental Rewiring
I feel a deep sense, a need even, to change what I do with my time so that I can live a more internal and externally balanced life. Since my absence from social media, I’m re-experiencing peaceful, boring leisurely thinking time. Thanks to having time for undistracted thinking, a lot of mental rewiring has been taking place. Now, I’m finding myself with new perspectives.
It is scary being in an unfamiliar head-space, but I feel more aligned in a sense that I’m rediscovering my interests and actually acting on them in the physical world. I’ve been doing things like drawing, painting, playing guitar, singing, and taking photographs.
Work-wise, I’d love to make a shift toward a career that allows me to keep creating matter from my heart. But, I think before I ask myself “how?” I need to experiment with more creative outlets. I have a feeling I would enjoy more physical, tactile experiences over digital, so I’m going to allot more time and money toward creating those moments. I’ve been in the tech scene for around two years.
At this point in time in my life, I feel that I owe it to myself to discover more ways to utilize my time while earning income. If I could get reasonably good in the tech scene, how “good” or “successful” could I get in the arts scene?” If I really put my heart and mind to it?
These efforts toward me leading a happier life are going me going in blind, with my only guiding light being what feels right. I suppose a year, or years from now, we’ll see if these decisions will have been for the best.
Journaling as I Go
As I continue this social media cleanse, I’ll be journaling my thoughts and experiences as I go. The image above this post is actually a picture of my two notebooks on my bedside table. (It’s a bit grainy because it was shot in low light.) I use these two tools as a way to keep track of things ranging from my work schedule, tasks, ideas, and for journal entries.
This is the first publicly posted journal entry. Admittedly, publishing this leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable but I feel it’s important for this documentary project and for those following the journey. I feel that by sharing the parts of our lives where we’re not so together makes this project more relatable, as I imagine we are all a bit lost some way. Lastly, It simply feels good to share. I hope it inspires others to share, too.
Anyway, that’s it for this post. Thanks for reading and joining in the conversation. Feel welcome to comment down below letting me know what you think of this first journal entry. I’d be interested to know what you think.
Good morning, good afternoon, good night wherever you are.